Pushing Out Babies With An Ongoing Career
A Pregnant Pause To Reflect On Biological Tick-Tocks Vs Career Clocks
When is a good time to have babies with a thriving career? Let me give you the answer right away, without wasting much of your time - NEVER!!!!. Ok now hold on! Don’t be too discouraged by this answer. Allow me to clarify…
For many of us, working women, the idea of nurturing a child alongside a thriving career is extremely intimidating. We hold the fear of losing grip of either one or the other. But if you think about it, you can never really train to be the type of ‘super-parent’ you want to be without having human kids who, you can call your own! So, ‘never a good time’, simply means, that the moment you make up your mind, is a good time, and that...is totally under your control!!
But how are we supposed to dive into oblivion and uncertainty? And is there a time during which we can prepare ourselves? And how long will it take? Well, as a ‘been-there-done-that-twice’ veteran (while getting my PhD degree) let me help you familiarize yourself with the unknown.
And one day, just like any other mother; with frizzled hair, some days forgetting to eat breakfast, you would wonder “How the hell did I do it ALL!?”.
I would break it down as follows based on personal experience and conversations I have had with friends.
Planning
Firstly, you need to chart out a plan with your partner, the stage of ‘family planning’.
You could utilize this stage to identify a future hiatus segment in your career and start your family around that time. For example, if you think you could take a career break a year from now, then you need to ‘plan’ to get pregnant within the next 3-4 months.
Some corporations have an option of taking a 6-month sabbatical. Combining that with your 6 weeks of ‘maternity leave’ is quality time spent with your newborn. Knowing your company policies does come in handy. Since I was a student in the middle of my PhD degree I opted to take a whole semester off post-delivery giving me 3-4 months to nurse my infant. Although, you could take an entire academic year off school for valid medical reasons such as this.
One thing I learned was, not to shy away from talking to your friends/ close colleagues about their experiences. You will not get inputs unless you ask. Couples with kids can sound like ‘know-it-alls’ to other couples, but they really… do… know something about parenting (if not ALL!!). And let me share another secret. Most women love to talk about their pregnancy and give advice. But again, you need to ask them for it!
If you are unable to identify the hiatus phase immediately, don’t worry! Just keep your eyes and mind open. Still, if you think it’s a long way down the road, you could revisit your thoughts in a few months.
One thing I learned was, not to shy away from talking to your friends/ close colleagues about their experiences. You will not get inputs unless you ask.
Watching Your Body
Okay! So you have made up your mind. Now it’s time to act. Being off contraceptives (which is obvious), keeping a watch on your hormones, recognizing your fertile days, and trying to conceive is literally what it takes to reach the ‘captivating climax’! I know, I know! It sounds unnerving and laborious, so let me break it down for you.
In short, without mincing my words, know your menstrual cycle. Period. Some women have shorter cycles, and others longer, the average being 28- 30 days.
From your high school biology class, you may (or maybe not!) remember that there are 4 phases of the menstrual cycle.
What’s important to know is ‘The Ovulation phase’, 1 out of those 4 phases helps us make babies. Imagine it as the ‘golden egg that steps out into your womb, waiting to be infused with love by the knight (read sperm) riding on the swiftest horse. And if this golden egg doesn’t meet its love, the womb sheds its lining, it bleeds to shed and another golden egg steps out in a month, thus repeating itself until it meets its knight. There are many ways to predict ovulation that will help you identify the days of your ‘golden egg’.
Honestly, couples find themselves spending quite a bit of time (roughly 3 months to a year) trying to conceive. So don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t happen the very next month. Moreover, you do have your partner’s support. Great conversations can make great babies!
Congrats! You Are Pregnant
By far the happiest phase of my life, as I am sure many others would agree. All the planning and work you put in has finally borne fruit. Cherish the day your pregnancy test comes out positive. Both times mine were equally memorable. Being pregnant transforms you completely and you will find your wisdom swelling along with your pregnant belly. The sense of growing a tiny living creature inside you with a little help from the person you truly love is out of this world. So much, that even the tough and painful labor one bears at the end doesn’t deter you from becoming pregnant again.
And one day, just like any other mother; with frizzled hair, some days forgetting to eat breakfast, you would wonder “How the hell did I do it ALL!?”.
Parenting is an art best learned after having kids, similar to on-the-job training. Those 3 months of planning, 6 months of trying, and 9 months of being pregnant still won’t be enough to prepare yourself. However, once you hold your baby in your arms you will be ‘parented’ for life and trust me, a good one at it too. So muster up the courage and take the plunge all ya ladies!